Wednesday, October 27, 2010

When you wish upon a star

i use to believe in wishing upon stars, fate and the like, but to be honest it's screwed me over so many times, i just can't anymore.  that makes me sad.  i liked believing in those things, like there was a plan for me, something that i didn't have to do, just patiently wait and good things will come. well my patience is running out, maybe tonight i'll wish upon a star for a little bit more. 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Here I go Again on My Own

My sweetie and I have parted ways. We want different things, things neither of us are willing to compromise on. My heart is truly broken. As I said to him, I knew I loved him, I just didn't know how much until now.

So, what does a brokenhearted girl suffering from insomnia do to pass the time in the wee small hours of the morning? She knits of course (fear not dear knitters, i know not to try anything to complex)! Armed with new yarn (Cascade Eco wool in a yummy neutral color) and a new pattern (EZ's Garter Stitch Blanket) I am hoping to knit myself back together again. Hopefully the soothing repeat of the simple knit stitch will mend my broken heart and help to get some not drug induced sleep.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

this is the song that was playing in my head saturday and sunday as i packed up to leave my home.  the home i've had for the past 4 years, with my sweetie.  sadly we want different things, he wants marriage, i want kids.  funny thing is, i'm afraid of marriage because i'm scared of what another divorce will do to me emotionally and yet this break-up, is ten times worse.  i feel deflated, defeated, broken, unstable and slightly unsettled.  these days sleep comes to me from the aid of medication and even still i don't feel rested.  i am thankful for friends who live many miles away, who call when they can, who text and write me everyday to make sure i'm doing ok and try to get me to smile.  the radio has been torturing me, playing songs like Alone Again by Dokken, The Crue's Without You and Heavan by Warrent, songs that are not good for one in this state of mind.  i have to force myself not to listen to Tom Waits, not good for a melancholy soul.  i'm not a wallower.  i never have been.  i don't know if this is a good thing or not.  probably not. this year has been hard on my personally as it has been on doug.  this is just the perverbal cherry on top.  suffice to say i cannot wait for this year to be over and a new, better one to begin.